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Advicemaster Asia: Men with chainsaws can wear dresses - JAPANATOR
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Advicemaster Asia: Men with chainsaws can wear dresses


11:00 PM on 04.14.2011
Advicemaster Asia: Men with chainsaws can wear dresses photo



It is I, Master Asia, the grandest champion to ever grace a Gundam Fight Tournament, here to answer your questions. What could you puny mortals possibly hope to learn from sucking at the teat of Master Asia?

Just about anything. I can show you the world.

This week, we will discuss becoming a zombie, how to deal with spam, those bushy eyebrows in anime and the history-riddled question of boxers versus briefs. The answer will surprise and mystify you.

Follow me after the jump, if you have the balls to do so. Come, Fuunsaiki, be my legs!

Master Asia!

Who would win in a battle of Bushy Brows: Rock Lee (Naruto) or Amarao (FLCL)?

-YotaruV

You dare to even ask this question? Without one iota of doubt in my body, Rock Lee is the winner. Just look at those eyebrows:

They possess an inscrutable amount of purity and justice within them. If you were to pluck those eyebrows, they would take a form of their own and spell out the entirety of The Gettysburg Address.

Dear Master Asia,

The ultimate question: Boxers or Briefs?

-Ravenholt EX

For centuries, this has been a great debate amongst the scholars. The Russo-Japanese War was a direct result of a disagreement between Tsar Nicholas II and Emperor Meiji. Meiji was a strong believer in the power of briefs in accentuating one's manhood. The Tsar, meanwhile, needed increase air circulation to his buttocks in Russian summers.

So it's only natural that you turn to me for solutions in this issue. After all, mass pogroms are led against boxer and brief factions in some reaches of the world -- and Detroit.

For years, I have straddled the fence by wearing boxer-briefs. They afford the breathing that is necessary after a hard day of Gundam fighting, but still conform to your body and not restrict my impressive axe-kicks. Andrew Graham, of Neo-Canada, was defeated not because of weakness, but because he was forced to switch from boxers to briefs one day.

It takes a lot of training to get used to one type over the other. So, whichever route you decide, prepare yourself. If some mugger assaults you in the street on the first night you try out a pair of boxers, you'll not only be robbed, but he'll likely mock your manhood, too.

Master Asia,

Suppose, hypothetically, I accidentally stole the powers of a magical girl, which (or so I'm told) increase my courage one hundred fold, increase my defense one thousand fold, and grant me mastery of a magical chainsaw. However, in order to utilize those powers I must undergo a magical girl transformation, donning a pink frilly outfit.

Is it wrong to use these powers in pursuit of my killer? (Oh, I'm a zombie.)

-Aikawa Ayumu

There comes a time in every man's life when suddenly, he has these feelings inside him. Strange feelings that weren't there the day before him. Before he realizes it, the man undergoes a transformation. While suddenly finding yourself wearing a pink frilly outfit and equipped with these new feelings in your body (and that chainsaw), it's perfectly normal.

After all, when I was your age, I had a similar transformation.

It was a cold winter night, and I was dead tired after having chopped wood to keep the fire going. Yet sleep did not come easily. I had the most horrible nightmares, and when I awoke the next morning, dripping in sweat, and found the clothes you see me wearing bonded to my skin.

From that day on, my fate was sealed.

Instead of a chainsaw, Fuunsaiki awaited me outside the cabin, and I rode off into the wilderness to begin my training for the right to pilot the Master Gundam. So accept your quest! Wield that chainsaw! Look fabulous in that glittering pink frilly dress!

Grasp your future tightly in your hands, and use that shining light to unearth your killer!

Dear Master Asia,

I hate the spam that I see on Jtor! Is there no way to rid us of this blight? I hope your response won't be "bear with it, back in the day we used to have real problems, like rations on sugar and meat" or something that shows how utterly impoverished or harsh society was "back in the day". Something involving fists or screaming matches might be interesting.

- Reader who doesn't need to buy cheap jewelry and handbags

The spam on Japanator truly is a fierce menace! This is not something to deal with, but to take up your pitchforks and torches and set these heathens ablaze! Fight them on every street corner and every block. Give not one inch of ground to these faceless beasts. Erect walls and forts, to stem the tide of their endless assault.

If you have the courage in your heart, bring with you the tools to push them back, to thin out their numbers by flame and contagion alike. Show no mercy to these soulless demons.

Or, do you not consider yourself enough of a man to fight for that which you love?

Advicemaster Asia: Men with chainsaws can wear dresses photo





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