Advicemaster Asia: On being motivated

4:00 PM on 08.17.2009   |   Master Asia

I am Master Asia, the Undefeated of the East! Wait, where is my introduction?

[OW! You said you need no introduction!]

My title deserves a level of respect you are clearly incapable of giving me. Perhaps I should just replace you with someone who knows a little something about respect. Even SaiSaiShi can do a better job than you can!

[Fine! See if I care!]

Until my new assistant arrives, let us get to the questions after the jump. Come, Fuunsaiki!

To the Undefeated of the East,

I need to get a job so I can make some money, but my schedule is pretty hectic as it is already, and I'm afraid that my academia will suffer as a result when school finally restarts. Is there a better way for me to time manage?

Impoverished 3rd Year University Student

All I could hear from that is "I lack discipline! I lack discipline!" You need to train your mind and body in order to both work and study at the same time. Back in the day, Master Asia worked a campus job while going through college. The key is to find a job that will require the least amount of actual work, but still pay above minimum wage.

While working at my school's film department, I was responsible for handing out equipment to those wishing to use the studios, as well as repair any broken equipment. For long stretches of time, no one would bother me, and so I could study in peace. When I was bothered with having to fix something, I was able to train myself in reaching a serene state of mind. By the time I graduated, all I had to do was stare down in order to fix it. And that was just the start of building the Empire of Master Asia.

O Former King of Hearts,

There is a terrible problem that I do not have the power to fix. The Hell Correspondence pact allows anyone to send their tormentor to Hell, at the cost of their own soul. The one in charge of this pact, Hell Girl, is a supernatural being, so I can't stop her directly. I have spent years attempting to undermine her indirectly by convincing the people who have accepted her terms that all is not lost, that there is still hope.

However, I am at the end of my rope. Despite my efforts, people still continue to foolishly condemn themselves and others to a sad, cruel fate. How can I stop Hell Girl and the forces of vengeance? Can humanity still be saved?

- Hajime Shibata 

Yes! It requires cunning, strategy and a strong will. First, you must lure your opponent out into the open. The best way? Perform a DDoS attack on her Hell Correspondence website. Once she is unable to get in touch with those she wishes to corrupt, you will be able to call her out in the open.

She may be a "supernatural being," as you say, but that is no excuse not to face her down! My suggestion for when facing down those from beyond the grave is to use a chainsaw. Several at once, if at all possible. Once you have successfully impaled them upon a tree, your only option is to savagely beat them until they are dead for good, all the while they are crying.

Once you have done that, you man return to your village a man.

Help me Master!

I'm getting picked on by bullies and the self-defence books that I've borrowed from the library aren't helping! Isn't there a lazier way for me to buff up than to actually work out? I hate exercise!

- Weak and Nerdy 

With that attitude, the only way you will be able to buff up is to eliminate yourself from this world. But that is not the way of the King of Hearts! I am determined to show compassion and kindness to those who come seeking my advice.

The only thing you can do to save yourself is to seclude yourself in the Guiana Highlands and learn to fight against all possible enemies. The area is rife with those who will help you train, including Schwarz Bruder. What, you think you can take him? Try defeating this:

I thought as much. You still have a long way to go before you will be able to save yourself from high school bullies. True, they may not be anywhere near the challenge that a world-class Gundam fighter would be, but you must aim for the top if you are to succeed in life! Aim for the top, and let no one stand in your way.

You may be lazy, but that is not the way to tackle life if you're interested in getting anywhere. You cannot solely work your mind, because the body will go to rot -- it requires a harmony of body, mind and soul in order to achieve a serene state of mind.

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