[Once again Master Asia is here to dispense his advice to all those who seek his wis--]

You idiot! Do you think these people really need an introduction to who I am? I am Master Asia! The Undefeated of the East! For those of you who cannot think for themselves, I have decided to reveal some of the secrets of the School of Master Asia. Though my words may be harsh, it is what is necessary in order for you to grow as a fighter and as a man!

Troubles of the heart are always the most difficult in summertime, when the youth can play about and have too much idle time on their hands. Prepare yourself for the teachings of the Former King of Hearts! My advice will be dispensed faster than you can possibly see at your current level. But I will help you grow as a man! You must suffer through my teachings, first!

And now to solve your problems. Come, Fuunsaiki!

Master,

I've got this problem developing intimate relationships because I'm quite misanthropic, and I want to change. How do i get over my contempt of humanity?

-Lonely Loner

The first step is to put down that notebook of yours and give it to me. Alright, good. Ignite! Now, you can no longer kill people at will, so you will have to get along with them, or kill yourself. I have a feeling that you already have a girl who is in love with you, so try spending some time with her.

Next, you need to get a job. One where you will be interacting with people on a day-to-day basis. I suggest a swimming instructor. It will allow you to continue to harbor contempt for humanity, but at the same time improve people to a level where you actually grow to like them.

Dear Master,

I want to achieve greatness in life, but I majored in philosophy. How should I proceed toward my goal?

-Confused & Directionless

Fear not, young one. For I, Master Asia, also majored in philosophy -- a double major in philosophy and environmental sciences, to be precise. It is important for a warrior to have both a strong and fierce passion, but also be able to cultivate a serene state of mind. You have the training necessary to bring yourself to a serene state of mind and contemplate your surroundings rather quickly, but you are lacking practice.

Put yourself out on the battlefield! Put those skills to the test, and build yourself up as a warrior! You may have to catch up to the others in strength, but your mind is trained much better than theirs. So use it to your advantage!

Dear Undefeated of the East,

I want to save everyone, but all of my allies tell me that I am a fool for wanting to do so (especially that mean old Archer). I also want to protect this girl I like, but she seems to be insulted when I get myself hurt. She insists that's it her job to protect me. I've been practicing kendo and my tracing ability, but I'm way out of my league here. All of my opponents are stronger and more experienced than I am. What do I do?

-Shirou Emiya 

You call yourself a man? You dare to sully my gender by including yourself in that category? You are nothing more than a pathetic weakling. Letting a woman defend you in battle, while you sit behind and twiddle your thumbs?

Training in kendo and your "tracing ability" -- whatever that garbage is -- means nothing unless you are out in the field. Take on your opponents head-to-head. If your heart is truly in it, then your spirit and guts will prevail. If not, then you will die like the weakling you are and I shall be rid of you for good.

Dear Master,

I have continually relied upon my master Oyakata-sama to help me out, but he has only ever answered with his fists! How should I respond when his answers are only blows to my forehead!

-Bruised and Confused

He is teaching you the way of the Undefeated of the East! Your master has very valuable life lessons packed within those punches. When you're walking along, and out of nowhere he throws a punch at you? That is teaching you the life of a general. You should constantly be thinking of things at all times! A nation that you consider to be your ally might strike you out of nowhere, and so you must be prepared to dodge that blow and retaliate!

You must show your desire to rule the land that is available to you! Your hands must glow with an awesome power, and their burning grip will tell you to grasp victory. So, listen to your heart, acquire that serene state of mind, and you will finally understand what your master is trying to tell you.

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MOAR Japanator Original:

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