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Sideshow avatar 11:14 AM on 01.04.2013
Judge an Anime by it's Opening: Witchblade



[NOTE: The following is a joke and isn't intended to be taken seriously.]

This week I didn't watch Witchblade and boy is that a misleading title. Is has little to do with witches at all but rather a woman named Claretta who is training to become a pimp. When journeying to the University of Player Pimpology in a post apocalyptic France, she discovers a magical pimp gauntlet which distributes red candy to it's owner.

However it seems that everyone wants this gauntlet for their own, including Claretta's rival a white clothed woman named Black. So she has to go to great lengths to prevent her peers and lecturers from obtaining it. Now I'll admit, fighting over a candy dispensing gauntlet is not what I would call a major must-see story. On paper it sounds like something 10 year olds would argue over. But I was surprised how engaging it was. Particularly the part where Claretta finds a way to alter the candy to change her clothing to more a revealing one as well as her hair suddenly turning bright red for no explained reason.

Wouldn't mind having some of that candy in Australia.


(Claretta's rival, Black)

Along the way we're introduced to Claretta's long lost daughter, Choking Victim. And thus does the true Witchblade story begins as Claretta discovers that family can be a useful thing to have when pursuing a pimping career (pun intended). Although I can't help but feel this theme of family was just shoehorned in to appeal to a larger audience. I'll remind you this is an anime mainly about pimping and appearance changing candy.

By the end of the day I had to ask myself, "would I fap to this?" "Is this entertaining?". The answer, fortunately, is yes. So many good things are going for it. Good setting, desent premise, etc. An interesting anime that needs to be in your collection.

Verdict: "Fappable"


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