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keithgray avatar 2:50 AM on 05.04.2017  (server time)
essay fragment

A great Man of ancient Greece once said, “There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless—boys and women—and I am neither one.” So, that must make him a Man, and a strong one at that! It’s a scientific fact that males with beards, also known as “Men”, are incredibly strong. Imagine Hulk Hogan without his beard. He would lose millions of dollars in endorsements and other deals just because his investors would lose confidence in his strength. With the beard however, it is a different story. Hulk is a champion, a celebrity, and an all-around great American that everybody likes. The second important role model to point out is the lumberjack. Lumberjack Jack is a fictional Man inside of all of our heads. He is immensely strong, brave, and hard working. He also has a beard, a flannel shirt, and a large axe. He is NOT clean shaven. If he were to be clean shaven, there are theories that say he would be killed by a falling tree within minutes, if not seconds. In some cultures and situations, having a beard is a matter of life and death. Just last week a fire broke out in a one room school down in Arkansas. Thirteen children were trapped inside the raging inferno until a bearded Man leapt through the flames to save them. He proceeded to pick all thirteen children up at the same time and walk out of the front door. When he was questioned after the rescue, all he could say was “Don’t thank me. Thank my beard.” Some people tend to think that if you don’t have hair covering up your muscles, you look really strong. And to an extent, that statement is true. But, when you have a beard, or any body hair for that matter, the nutrients that the hair absorbs from the air builds up your muscle like nothing else. Hair is a major component to strength because of both its chemical properties, and its social properties.


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