Confessions 15: The Major

10:00 AM on 01.14.2010   |   Josh Tolentino

P-permission to speak freely, ma'am!

I know I'm not actually a member of Section 9. In fact I shouldn't even know your unit exists, much less participate in the training exercises that involved following you around, but now that you've found me, I'd like to tell you just why I've been stalking you.

I'm stalking you because I love you, Major Kusanagi.

N-n-now, if you c-could put the gun down, I can get more into detail about that.

Whew! Thank you very much, ma'am.

I've been stalking you for quite a long while now, ma'am. Indeed, it would be supremely hubristic - and likely quite mistaken - to even think that you did not know about it already, but my love for you goes deeper than perhaps even you realize.

Major, you serve the public in a critical capacity, even knowing that as a member of Section 9, you can never be recognized for it. And yet you do what you need to do, with singular skill and aplomb. True talent and dedication will shine through any suit of Thermoptic Camouflage. 

Whether you're hacking the world's toughest security networks, engaging in a pitched firefight, or simply discussing the merits of various forms of government and societal engineering, you remain fully composed and in control. My love is born from not from mere moe but from true respect, admiration, and perhaps a tiny bit of fear.

Now, you might think it highly presumptuous of me - a meatbag - to think myself worthy of adoring the world's most brilliant cyborg and hacker, but I've got one up on all those clumsy heaps of plastic and nanobots who just want to jump your endoskeleton. 

Major, I love you for your mind. 

Now, with any other woman, that would be a cheap, cheesy pickup line reserved for those attempting to excuse their infidelity, but I know the truth. Major, you are a full cyborg. Your entire prosthetic body is artificial. Anybody could look like you, making any of your other suitors' declarations shallow squeals of lust.

The fact remains that you are the most talented full cyborg in the world, unparalleled in your ability to control your body - indeed, you've proven your ability to control multiple bodies simultaneously! That is a feat for your cyberbrain - and the ghost within - alone.

I love you, Major, whether you feel like requiting it or not.

P.S. I'd just like you to know that I would have given anything, nay everything to be in that young man's place the night you propositioned him. Unlike that little idiot, I would certainly not have not said no.