Anime

[You can catch Naruto, Bleach, Fairy Tail simulcasting on Crunchyroll. Bleach also airs on Adult Swim, with other episodes available via iTunes. DVD volumes are available at major retailers, published by VIZ media. One Piece episodes can be streamed onHulu and FUNimation's official One Piece page.]

Josh Tolentino

Naruto Shippuden episode 222

Bee: "Hey Karui and Omoi!"

Karui and Omoi: "Hey master! What's going on?"

Bee: "I'm holding an Enka concert!"

Karui and Omoi: "En-what?"

Bee: "Enka! The western music equivalent would be a dude crooning the classics, kind of."

Karui and Omoi: "Aren't you a rapper?"

Bee: "I am, but now is the time to prove I'm versatile!"

Karui and Omoi: "..."

Bee: "So now I need you to sell these ticke-"

Raikage: "BEE! YOU'RE GOING TO AN ISLAND TO TRAIN NARUTO!"

Bee: "Wait, wha-"

Raikage: "GO!"

Bee: "Hey, but there's a whole filler arc after this episode, I've got ti-"

Raikage: "GOGOGOGOGO!!!"

*And then there [will be] a filler arc, before Naruto gets on a boat. Artist's impression below.*

Bleach episode 332

Evil Komamura: "Grrr! The new girl with the nice thigh-highs can kill us!"

Evil Hitsugaya: "Chill dude, it's cool. Stay frosty."

Evil Komamura: "...did you just word your sentence to fit your ice powers theme?"

Evil Hitsugaya: "Of course I did! I'm evil."

Evil Hitsugaya: "Anyway, her powers only work when she blocks us, using the energy to power her beam weapon. We just have to not hit her and kill all the others."

Ichigo: "Crap! They're onto us! Let's all charge Nozomi's power ourselves. EVERYONE HIT HER AS HARD AS YOU CAN, FROM ALL DIRECTIONS AT THE SAME TIME."

Nozomi: "Woah woah woah, I can't block everyone at the same ti-"

Ichigo: "Too late!"

*boom*

Uryuu: "Oh, she did it! And what a lovely cross motif, she really has the best power ever."

Ichigo: "You just like anything with crosses. You'd marry a church steeple if you could."

Evil Byakuya: "Grragh! You may have smoked the others, but as per Bleach natural laws, no one can beat Byakuya!"

Unknown Voice: "That may be, but you're not Byakuya, you're evil Byakuya."

Evil Byakuya: "Ah, hell."

Yamamoto: "And I have an epic beard. You can't beat that."

Next week, more beard.

Manga

[Editor's Note: If you're only following the anime series, you might want to skip this section, as there will be spoilers.< Naruto, One Piece and Bleach manga volumes are available for purchase via VIZ Media.]

Josh Tolentino

Naruto chapter 549

Zombie Nagato: "You're pretty powerful now, Naruto. And yellow."

Naruto: "I am, and I owe it all to my friends!"

Zombie Nagato: "Good to know, but now we have to fight because Kabuto's magic is forc-!"

Naruto: "And I also owe it to my parents, without whom my abilities wouldn't be possible.

Zombie Itachi: "Cool, so we have to move o-"

Naruto: "And I also owe it to Bee, and Jiraiya, and Tsunade, and Sakura..."

Zombie Itachi: "N-Naruto, this isn't an awards ceremo-" 

Naruto: "...and Kakashi and Shikamaru and Choji and Tenten and Neji and Gaara and..."

Zombie Itachi: "Shit...Nagato, do something!"

Zombie Nagato: "OK, OK, here goes..."

Naruto: "...and the ramen guy, and the Studio Pierrot, and Shonen JUMP, and Crunchyroll, and headbands, and..."

Zombie Nagato: "SUMMONING JUTSU!"

Naruto: "...and CyberConnect2, and game consoles, an-"

Naruto: "Oh dang, out of time. I'll post the full list on Facebook. Now let's fight!

Zombie Nagato and Zombie Itachi: "Oh thank god."

Next week, credits!

Bleach chapter 458

Uryuu: "Ichigo!"

Ichigo: "Oh, hey Uryuu! I'm so glad you're here. If you're not brainwashed, come help me and Ginjou fight Tsukishima!"

Uryuu: "Hold that thought. I've been reading some awesome Bleach recaps, and I was wondering if you remember the part where Ginjou cut your eyes and pretended to be a bad dude to get you to upgrade your powers."

Ichigo: "Of course I do, that was such a dick move!"

Uryuu: "Yeah, well he wasn't pretendin-"

Ginjou: "Sucker!"

Ichigo: "My face!"

Ginjou: "...heh."

Ichigo: "....but why?"

Tsukishima: "Dude, it's like you don't read comics or books or watch movies or TV or play videogames. Just look at Ginjou's hair!"

Ginjou: "Yeah man. Check out my 'do:"

Ichigo: "...I don't get it."

Ginjou: "*sigh* Ichigo, guys with hair as slicked back as mine, we can't be good people. It's impossible. We're all dickhead jerks. I thought you'd have figured it out when I cut out your eyes."

Ichigo: "But I-"

Ginjou: "No buts! You've fought enough of my type to know this! Look at your rogues gallery!"

Ichigo: "I don't remember fighting Christian Bale."

Ginjou: "Not my point."

Uryuu: "Way to perpetuate a negative stereotype, dick."

Ginjou: "It's not a stereotype if it's true."

Next week, hair!