Have sex with Hatsune Miku. Finally. Kinda.

11:00 AM on 12.04.2009 // Dale North

*unzips pants*

Oh, yes. It's about time. I've waited so long for this.

*moves closer, breathes heavy*

Do you know how long I've liked you? How long I've listened to your music and watched your videos? I'm your biggest fan, and I'm so happy that you're opening up for me. 

....

Mmm. What? You want it slower? I thought you might...(!) Wait! You're not Hatsune Miku. Eww! Kimoi! Who are you? You're some look-alike. How dare you trick me into...well, let's finish and then we'll talk.

I'm claiming false advertising. Of course, if I would have looked closer at this...*cough*...self-pleasuring device, I would have noticed that this is not Miku, but "Future Loid Mikuti." Should I get checked? The 2,600 yen I spent on this isn't worth the doctor bill!

According to the packaging, Mikuti, that tricky bitch, is a virtual idol fluent in 39 languages. The packaging promises that you will "learn her secrets" upon purchasing the item. One of her secrets is that her "insertion point" is only 4mm in diameter, so once she has you in, she will not let you go. It's all part of the trap.

[via AkibaBlog]

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Dale North, Associate Editor
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I am Destructoid's Editor-In-Chief. I love corgis. I make music. more   |   staff directory

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