This morning, my special Hello Kitty Alarm Clock did not go off. My kind and thoughtful future in-laws purchased said alarm clock just for me, and it has failed in its sole duty to make an obnoxious high-pitched noise at a particular time. I felt compelled to let the Japanator community know that those in search of an uber-kawaii way to start their morning should look elsewhere.

This is the last straw for Hello Kitty; I've already complained about her lamentable dominance over Badtz-Maru, my favorite Sanrio character, and now the bitch can't even do her job right. From now on, I'll be blogging on a strictly Anti-Hello Kitty platform. I might viciously start attacking Hello Kitty at any opportunity, even when I'm pretending to be intellectual by reviewing Haruki Murakami novels or something.

You have been warned...and it's possible that I just forgot to set it. But that's irrelevant, because it's on.