Michael Jackson was killed by a Ponyo overdose

9:30 PM on 08.12.2009   |   Zac Bentz

We here at Japanator pride ourselves on being the Internets' most trusted news source. We take things seriously here. We strive to dig deeper and do proper journalistics on stories and things of serious world importance.

That is why we made sure to wait and verify all of the facts relating to this next story. Sure, we could have quickly jumped onto the hype-train that followed the death of the most important man in the world ever , even more  so than that guy Christ or the man who invented masturbation. We really worked those facts over, probing their innermost dark spaces with long, slimy probes and everything. That is why we can now, without a doubt, shout from the mountaintops for all the world to hear and hold hands, this irrefutable fact:

Michael Jackson was killed by an addiction to Ponyo.

We feel that the above video is all the proof the world needs to finally put this matter to rest. We hope that we can warn Americans everywhere to do what is right and protest the living hell out of  any and all screenings of this childhood  corrupting atrocity. Do anything you can to spread the word to parents that if they bring their children to the Ponyo movie, opening in theaters nationwide this week, that those children will grow up to be the most popular man in the world, and also probably the weirdest person ever.

There. We have done our part. You have been warned. Don't let Ponyo happen to you next.

[via wcloudx]

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