The reason for my anticipation was pretty simple. Short answer:

Research provided by the University of This Is A Totally Legit Method Of Showing You What I Mean

Long answer: I had previously stumbled upon The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. That was the first Kyoto Animation series I watched, and it was amazing. Afterwards, I saw Lucky Star, which was a hilarious slice-of-life otaku-aimed moe-parody. Then, I checked out Air and Kanon, both Kyoto Animation-created adaptations of Key visual novels. I found them both very satisfying, a visual splendour with a solid soundtrack.

However, I never quite understood the supernatural elements that the two shows dealt with, such as reincarnation and astral projection. But they were both still great to watch. So after being hooked on Kyoto Animation shows, I decided to do a bit of research on Clannad beforehand, and I discovered that it was going to be another Key/KyoAni adaptation. So I knew that I should be aware of any paranormal stuff.

With that in mind, as well as my rather high expectations for the anime, I dived right in.

Family.

I loved it. It had a well developed male lead, a great cast with magnificent voice talent, the animation was superb. But more importantly, it was the most emotionally packed of the three. Air didn't really make me that sad since I was more confused and didn't know about the key theme of reincarnation. Kanon did fill me with some sadness, but I was still wrapping my head around all the supernatural events.

Clannad is a heart-warming drama that relies more on the innocence and beauty of life than on fanservice. Honest.

But Clannad...Clannad was the first anime to move me. By the end of Fuuko's route, I was curled up in my chair, with a blanket hugging me as I was sucker-punched by a series of emotionally charged string of events. The build up, the drama and the bittersweet ending of that arc left me with a feeling that I've never felt when I watched anime. I then realised that this anime, a medium that I only felt was simply 'cool Japanese cartoons,' was actually the first to make me feel for the characters, to be sympathetic, and cheer them on. I became attached to the series unlike any other I have in my life. This heart-warming sense of emotional euphoria was new, and it was changing me.

Tsun + dere = Delicious

By the end of the season, I came out a better person. For one thing, I understood the supernatural elements, so that wasn't a problem. Furthermore, I came to appreciate anime as a powerful medium of entertainment. The outside world and everything in it seemed beautiful. Life is worth living, since we only have one to live out. Clannad mirrored the morals that we all seemed to have forgotten. Family. Friends. Love. An innocent tale that we should take time to watch.

As mentioned earlier, I did some research on Clannad and I had discovered that the anime was based on a visual novel, in the same vein that Kanon and Air were. After missing the weekends firing up the laptop to watch Clannad and trying my very best to not cry like some kind of baby, I decided to play that fabled visual novel.

After rummaging through the internet I finally got to playing. I didn't really know what to expect. I have never played a visual novel before, so this was all so new to me. The first thing I noticed was the music at the main menu. A soft and touching melody with a hint of innocence and sorrow. This was definitely Clannad. I clicked on 'New Game'. The game started with me waking up in snow, 'A world, surface of white.' From watching the anime, I knew what this was about. My excitement was rising with every click of the mouse. After that prologue within a prologue, the screen faded to black and I was met with some new words, from a different protagonist.

'I hate this town'.

I have now become Okazaki Tomoya, a delinquent with memories stained with the colours of unloving despair walking to school. Again, I was familiar with this scene, this mindset, this music. It all felt nostalgic. I was at the bottom of the hill when I saw her.

The music suddenly changed, transitioning into the iconic melody that I knew. Furukawa Nagisa. She stood alone, wondering if it was okay to like things, to grow attachment to others, aware of the inevitable end which must come to pass for all things, living and dead. As I urged her to go forward, I too was urged to immerse myself into this universe. A universe that began with a forward step from the bottom of that hill.

Soon enough, I became hooked, being reintroduced to the characters I knew and loved from the anime. It was then I began to further appreciate the faithfulness of Kyoto Animation's adaptation, discovering their references to the slide transitions to the background music that was exactly that of the melodies that were played through my laptop. I went through the same scenes that I saw not too long ago, from the 'Fujibuyashi is bi' incident to the one-sided fights between Tomoyo and the blonde haired Sunohara.

Give up those dreams of attending college, my friend.

Sunohara Youhei. He was my best friend during my third year at this nameless school, and the antics we went through left me smiling from ear to ear. A pervert, a coward, and an idiot, the rapport I had with him was undeniably dynamic, and to be honest, it would be very lonely without him. Key's strength in writing was apparent between our exchanges, I erupted in laughter countless of times, no matter how many times I would have read it. A real bonus was the voice acting, which allowed me to be more immersed with the story.

My favourite girl is Tomoyo. It's hard to explain why, but if I were to put it into words, it's because of that juxtaposition of her intense physical strength and her rather distant and polite behaviour. In essence, she was awesome. I mean, who wouldn't like her kicking ability? So I decided to try and take the Tomoyo route. There was one problem. This was my first visual novel. I was basically a novice, so I had no idea about the tropes and trappings of this medium. Heck, I even thought that the game crashed when I first had to make a choice. Plus, I only used one save slot, despite the fact there were about ninety-nine. I really didn't know why I would need so many, but of course, I was about to learn why.

So there I was, clicking away, reading the dialogue, and taking in the atmosphere when I first met her. I will always remember it. The date in the game indicated that it was Wednesday, April 16. Fujibiyashi Ryou had just given me another one of her 'accurate' predictions. She mentioned something about being refreshed after a hot impact from a kind girl. As if that was going to happen. While internally debating with myself whether to sleep during second period, I noticed the music fade into silence. A familiar voice floated into my ears, exclaiming 'Uwaah! Why are you here!?' I knew who it was, without a doubt.

Why would anyone's parents call them 'Female'?

Fujibayashi Kyou. A bouncy unique theme sprinkled the air with its musical presence as she began to speak to me for the first time in the visual novel. Her introduction in the story was the most prominent in my opinion. She was constantly around, and she knew you from the previous year, an old friend as it were. Another reason why I will always remember her first words?

She said I was stupid. She also punched me.

Unlike the other girls, Kyou would honestly say what she was thinking. We would jab at each other relentlessly, regardless of the other's reactions. I was a delinquent. She was a class representative. Despite that fact, we got on incredibly well, even if it did not look like it. I mean, even I didn't see it that way as first.

But Tomoyo was my goal, and I was aiming for her route. Along the way, I met the rest of the colourful cast, from the mature Misae to the polite Yukine. Pressing on, I watched Sunohara get beaten by Tomoyo. Then I watched him get beaten up again. And again. It didn't really get old to be honest. As I chased after Tomoyo's affection, I usually ran into Kyou. Or to be more accurate, Kyou ran into me. With a bike. At 40 kilometres an hour.

Guess what? Fujibayashi Kyou's bi-

And it didn't happen just once.

During a later bike related crash, she eventually decided to slowly help me up that steep hill. This act was enough to show how much she actually cared for me, the protagonist. We were both late, but she constantly checked to see if I was okay. This was a first for me to see such a complex character in a video game. A girl who would push you away with one hand only to grab onto you tightly with the other, Kyou was my partner for this paradoxical tango of a dance. Some may say that she's just filling in the tsundere moe niche, but I challenge you to find a more real heroine in Clannad. The zettai ryouiki is simply a bonus.

TOKI WO TOMARE.

As I continued to play, my meetings with Tomoyo suddenly disappeared and I began to talk and converse with the Fujibayashi twins more often. When I realised that the chance I could have gotten to be with Tomoyo was gone, it was quite worrying. I only had one save file, and I was pretty sure that I raised all the flags. Nonetheless, I continued to play. It would be pretty lame to start the game again just because everything didn't go just as planned, life doesn't work that way and neither should I for this visual novel. If I were to do that, I felt that I would be taking something away from the whole experience. I decided to roll with the punches.

By now, playing Clannad has become a big part of my life. The daily schedule basically became: Wake up; Clannad; attend school; do homework; Clannad; sleep. I was basically living two high school lives: one at a rather demanding all boys' school, and another in the fictional town of Hikarizaka. I became attached to the school where spring never ends and its characters, every trip was magical, from the emotion inducing music, to fantastically powerful writing. Key must have been doing something right if I can remember Kyou's birthday more clearly than my best friend.

So there I was, living out my fictional school life with Kyou, her sister Ryou and not Tomoyo when the game's feeling definitely shifted.

A confession of love. I really did not expect such a development to occur. Even though I had seen the anime, and I had some vague idea of how their route was going to be, I was still surprised. But the same applies with life; I wouldn't know what to do if that were to happen to me personally. And at that time, I didn't know what to do. Ryou Fujibayashi was standing alone with me, behind the school where the foliage of trees obscured us from view. She summoned all of her courage to make it this far, face to face with her crush, the boy she longed to be with. With the help of her twin sister, she expressed the feelings she had from deep in her heart. She liked me.

Hesitantly, I explained to her that a relationship like that would not work out. We were not that close, and we only had known each other for a short amount of time, it just logically wouldn't work. I then thought about what I was going to say next. Standing in front of Ryou who was on the verge of tears, I decided that love wasn't an algorithm. I didn't want to see a girl cry.

'Even then, if you want to...'

Suddenly the music changed, and grew into a magnificent piece, as if the heavens themselves opened in joy. Ryou couldn't believe it. She was now definitely crying, but the tears were of sheer happiness. 'This is like a dream' she claimed. Smiling, I pinched her cheek to prove to her that this was real. The sudden tension in the atmosphere was lifted as a wave of relief cleansed the both of us.

I guess we were now officially a couple.

And then out of the bushes jumped a spying Kyou, angry and mighty ticked off, mistaking my pinching as an act of violence. After a few moments of hilarious explanations, her mood swiftly changed from rage to satisfied pride, the same feeling a father would feel watching his son land a home run for his team, the same feeling a girl would feel seeing her dog finally catching that frisbee, the same feeling as finding out that the hours you had put into making someone's wishes and dreams come true. She had been acting as The Cyrano all along, spying on me as I conversed with the other twin, making me lunch to eat with Ryou, or basically hitting me if I wronged her sister. For now, her plan worked. To do something like that for family is truly admirable.

Kyou is such a caring person.

Life became centred around the Fujibayashi twins. Looking after their (tasty looking) piglet Botan and getting treated to lunch, working to and from school with them, and sharing meals. Ryou and I would walk home from school together while Kyou would be supporting the two of us from the sidelines. Ryou was an avid fan of fortune telling and horoscopes, which was the theme of our first 'date', and she would get flustered at the very smallest things. Kyou made sure that I was in line, taking care that I wouldn't do anything to offend her younger sister. This became the norm for a while. Things again started to change, but looking back, I never knew how important that event that triggered it was.

My preference in hair? It seemed like a pretty random question, so I didn't really put that much thought into it. I chose long hair without being that serious about it. We exchanged some words about my choice, with Ryou being rather disappointed in that decision. I really didn't think it was that important at the time. Such is the naivete of youth.

Kyou respects my opinions.

Our first official date didn't really go exactly as planned, to be honest. For starters, Kyou came along. Apparently, Ryou was too shy and she didn't really know what to do. Yikes. Ryou and I were a tad nervous, but at least conversation wasn't going to be an issue with Kyou around. Following a 3750 yen lunch, which to be honest, is a goddamn rip off for just three people and discussing the proper paying etiquette when going out with your girlfriend (and her twin sister who should be paying for most of it since it was her who order the salad), we finally decided to go window shopping after pondering on it for a good few minutes. The outing finished with some clothes bought for me and looking at some gemstones and pendants at an accessories store, which Ryou was very interested in. She took a liking to the Tanzanite while her sister found the Amethyst to be very cute.

All the while, Kyou was giving me tips on how to make this a success. However, she was treating this as a visual novel, referring to secret level ups and flag triggering. This little piece of self-acknowledging irony gave me a renewed appreciation of Clannad, who showed it doesn't always take itself seriously all the time.

The rest of the week followed a similar routine during lunch in where I locked up Sunohara in the bathroom while I ate homemade lunches with the sisters. Kyou's cooking was excellent, with delicious meals that tantalised my palette. Ryou's...not so much. How bad was it? Let's just say that when Botan had a nibble at her food, the poor piglet was left slightly comatose. All the while, Ryou became embarrassed incredibly easily and I was butting heads with Kyou. However, these were the days to be cherished; I was enjoying school life with a girlfriend and enjoying free food. But, like in life, one mustn't be too greedy.

Zettai Ryouki: Grade A

At this point in time, I was Ryou's boyfriend, but as Kyou and I were sharing a meal alone without Ryou, she asked me a question that shook my beliefs. It was a simple question, but it was amazingly effective.

'Having fun?'

Was I having fun? I guess it was, if I wasn't Ryou's boyfriend, we wouldn't be able to enjoy the experience we've gone through. But I really didn't feel as we were lovers, it all seemed forced, a facade created by Kyou. Nevertheless, the two have been trying their absolute best for this to work, and it would be wrong to throw that all away. For now, it was fun, a fact that I can't deny. It seemed my Tomoya self agreed with me and proceeded to say something similar. Kyou at first reacted uncharacteristically, not saying anything, but she soon went back to her regular self. I was then reminded of the quips I shared with Kyou, the chemistry between us was so natural. But I was Ryou's boyfriend. I decided to put this behind me for now, but this was just the beginning of my doubts.

At first, my worries were put aside as I spent more time with Ryou, it seemed that surely but slowly, we were becoming more and more of a couple. But soon enough, something else came up. On a normal Saturday, the day before my date with Ryou, I was browsing around town when I bumped into Kyou, who was accompanied by Botan. One way or another, I ended up spending the rest of the day with those two, window shopping and the like.

As per usual, we swapped verbal abuse at each other. A familiar and comfortable scene. I've always enjoyed these kinds of conversations. It's because there wasn't any awkward tension between us; we just let loose at times like this. It is in a way similar to that of my chats with Sunohara: we were free to speak open-mindedly without fear or repercussions, because we both knew we weren't going to fall out when we spoke the truth. It's something I haven't experienced in any other medium, where I, the protagonist, interact with characters in such a way. And on top of that, it was the first time I cared for these well developed characters. I became attached to Kyou and Ryou.

After she invited me to join her in walking Botan. I eventually agreed, and it was then that things got even more serious. After showing her vulnerable side, reminiscing about Botan, she suddenly proposed something to me. A practice kiss. I was surprised - no, I was shocked. This was incredibly forward from Kyou. What was I to do? To be honest, I preferred Kyou and have always had and I knew that she was trying to play cupid from the anime. So this must be part of her route right? I decided to have my cake and eat it. I went ahead for the kiss.

...

Denied.

In typical Kyou fashion, she forcefully and playfully stopped me before our lips touched. It was practice. Simply practice, and nothing more. Well, that's what the words from her mouth were, but her blushing face said otherwise. The aftermath was quite awkward. I suppose that this was the start of a love triangle, but I still couldn't just reject Ryou, that would be pretty cowardly of me as a boyfriend and as a person. Still, I was falling into one of life's sins: greed.

It was then I was falling down the slippery slope. The day after, I was killing time on the same street, anxious with the date with Ryou I was going to have in less than 24 hours' time. I decided to pop into the accessories shop from before and buy her a present. Kyou gave me a present to give to her the day before, but to give that to Ryou and claiming that it was from me seemed kind of wrong. I decided to buy the pendant that she said she wanted. What was it again...?

I remembered it being Tanzanite and not Amethyst, so the choice was obvious. Ryou liked that gemstone, so buying that for her should totally mean a good ending, right?

I was late for our date, so late that I forgot the pendant. Thankfully I had the tarot cards with me and gave those to her. She became a whole different person when receiving them. Confident and strong. We decided to do a little bit of fortune telling, despite the fact that we were in public. I pulled out a single card. The Fool, a reference to a great magician whose greed was too great. Hmm.

We did the usual thing, lunch, shopping, and then into the fortune telling machine at the arcade a place that we went to on our first outing together. It was there we shared our first kiss. Not an indirect kiss like the times before, but a real, spontaneous kiss Alone, inside that booth, where mysterious music played from that arcade machine, our lips touched. It was something special. But Kyou was constantly at the back of my head. She was right, it was hard to distinguish the twins from each other close up. Even though I felt guilty, the reaction on Ryou's face was one of relief and sheer happiness. She was beginning to become a more confident person, and I myself was proud to see her grow in such a way.

It was then that the rumours began of Kyou and I going out. It seemed like the whole student body was glaring at me with judgemental eyes. After Sunohara filled me in on the details, I understood the situation. Somebody saw Kyou and I perform that practice kiss. The gossip spread like wild fire. What were we to do? This was bad, and we needed to quell the rumours. I wasn't sure if Ryou knew of it though. Approaching her sister, who seemed to know as well, I wanted to discuss what we should do. She was uncharacteristically distant and reserved. I was now honestly worried. How was I supposed to get out of this situation? I never felt such anxiety or nervousness before in an anime or in a video game, cliff hangers from the rest of the shows were nothing when compared to this. So what did Kyou think she should do?

I couldn't believe it. Sunohara couldn't either. Kyou, aware of this...and aware of my presence, was set to prove it. With her arms wrapped around Sunohara, she proceeded to move closer...and closer. Fortunately, Sunohara stopped her before she continued. That Sunohara, who I thought was just a giant idiot, seemed to be rather observant today. He figured out her motive. If she were to be seen as a couple with Sunohara, people would stop misunderstanding and she would still be able to talk to me.

It was then that I was caught looking into their private conversation. I came out of the bushes and was treated with the most awkward of silences. I tried to muster up a few words, but Kyou ran off. Sunohara then turned his sharp eye on me and presented me with a question that I could not answer straight away.

'Don't you think you've been forcing yourself to be with Ryou-chan?'

He presented a similar question to Kyou a few moments before. The music played a sweet, sombre song. The atmosphere was fittingly painful, and my heart shrank as I couldn't bear it any longer. He had brought it up before, frankly asking if I liked Ryou, which I didn't even give a proper answer to. Was I really forcing myself for the sake of it?

Kyou was different, she was forcing herself for the sake of her sister. The sister that she grew up and cared for, the sister that she would do anything for, the sister that she loved with all of her heart. It is then Clannad reminded me of its central theme of family, one of the few things that should always be cherished, for now and forever.

The following days were racked with guilt. Ryou was blissfully unaware of the situation at hand, while Kyou was hiding behind a brave face, although it was clear she had been affected. I didn't know which pained me the most. Interacting with the two felt like a bitter dagger through my heart.

Fortunately, the rumours were quelled, by Ryou herself. She had become quite daring in the past few days. In fact, she was beginning to act more and more like Kyou. She even addressed me by my first name, like Kyou did. But as soon as I made that comparison, something shook inside of me.

The realisation cut me like a knife.

Then she asked me that question.

'Do you like me?'

All those feelings of guilt and anguish built up inside of me and were unable to escape. My mouth was firmly shut as I struggled and failed to utter those three words. An awkward and unbearable atmosphere rode over us. I felt like the worst person in the world. Every subsequent minute felt like a thousand sharp needles into my soul. Clannad was able to invoke such emotion from me, my heart felt empty and hollow. Not even Final Fantasy IV was able to stir up such feelings, not even the first Pokemon movie did such a thing to the young me.

It was then I discovered that Kyou went missing. Apparently, she wasn't at school and had left early. This was suspicious, since I just saw her at lunch, displaying a sudden change in the relationship with her sister; it was like they were strangers. That wasn't what family was supposed to be about.

Rain soon came and the heavens poured. It was then I noticed something move outside school. Botan? No doubt about it, the little piglet was out there in the rain. This meant that Kyou was around as well. Something didn't add up, shouldn't she be home right now? Immediately, I rushed out of the class to where Botan was. He led me to his master, in the pouring rain.

Kyou.

In the pouring rain, she stood there. Her rough tone and words urged me to leave her alone, to keep my distance. The Kyou standing here was vulnerable and afraid, as if her shell had been dissolved by the rain, the drops of which were deafening. She poured out her entire soul to me, all the emotions that she had kept to herself, the pain that she hidden. It was unbearable to hear what she had gone through. Guilt and regret and self-loathing and doubt and emptiness and sorrow flowed through both of our hearts.

She loved me. And I had realised that I loved her. Not Ryou. Not the Ryou who tried to be like Kyou. But Kyou Fujibayashi herself.

But it was too late.

Game over. My first ever attempt had ended in failure. The two sisters started to avoid me and treat me like strangers and I returned to being a delinquent with no hopes or dreams. The long winding road that started at the bottom of the hill had ended with sorrow.

'Bye, bye...'

Those last two words that Kyou uttered to me will always be there in my mind. Those two words were the two most emotional words I have ever heard. This was my first time being so emotionally swept by something like this. Not even a Miyazaki film made me feel like this. At times, I would suddenly remember those two words and I would suddenly be filled with all the charged emotions that I felt during the weeks playing the visual novel, twisting in anguish and sadness.

But the whole experience, it felt so real. Sure, it may be just a serious of inputs and outputs on a game mechanic, but the entire thing was so natural, so gripping. My life changed with Clannad. It opened my shell, my protective, cynical, apathetic shell. It showed how love can shine and flourish and how emotions can lead us astray and devastated. This wasn't just the first time I was so emotionally moved by a video game, it wasn't just the first time I was so emotionally stimulated by something related to Japan, it was the first time I felt such a way in life. I've come out of it a different man, unafraid to sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve, more sensitive about my family, more appreciative about the wonderful people and world around us. This one play through had taught me a lot of things in life, from the value of family to the importance of accepting your own feelings, how greed is foolish and being the martyr is just as wrong as being selfish.

Clannad is life. Clannad had always been life. Clannad will always be life.

Unfortunately, my studies had be top priority as exams season came. I promised myself that I wouldn't play until I was done with them. Months passed. Luckily my exams went just as keikaku (Translator's note: keikaku means planned) and I was free to play Clannad for as much as I liked. But then, just as life usually does, things came up. Holidays, friends, school, it seemed like one version of life was keeping me away from the other. Months would soon pass without Clannad, and it soon began to feel like a faded memory.

Months later, after the even more emotional second season, Clannad ~After Story~, the DVD extra of Kyou's route being animated came. I had been waiting for this for quite some time since hearing news of it. And guess what? I choked up after hearing her 'Bye, bye..' After all of this time, those same two words can still reduce me to a blubbering mess.

It had been a long experience - about two years in fact - and at the end of it, I have come out a better person, more optimistic about both the media's power of emotion and in real life. I don't think that I would feel so touched playing Okami if my heart wasn't opened up by Clannad, I don't think that I would have the courage to take risks and actually live life so happily without Clannad showing me the way. I truly think that my life was changed watching and playing Clannad. Ever since the bottom of that hill, I had learned to love. I had learned to not be so apathetic and to instead embrace experiences. Clannad was the first ever anime and visual novel that showed me that life is worth living, through all the hard times, through all the good times, when times are high or when you're feeling low. That life was worth living because of friends and because of family. An eternal spring that introduced me that anime didn't have to be all pretty explosions and fan-service, that anime can make you feel.

Like many have said before me: Clannad is life.

Any regrets?

Perhaps I should have chosen 'Amethyst' instead of 'Tanzanite'...