Americanator Travel Guide: New York City


Oh my, how did I get here?! What is this "inter-net"? The young buck who stepped out of his Time-Machine told me it is "a series of tubes", but I still don't understand why I should be writing a travel guide for a plumbing publication.

As long as I'm here, I may as well. I haven't had anything to do since The War to End All Wars, after all. I'll use this Paperless Type-Writer tell all you folks out there in Posterity about the greatest city in the world, New York.

If you please, gentlemen and good-sirs, continue reading "below the cut", though why anyone would cut plumbing tubes is anyone's guess. Perhaps you men of the "inter-net" plumbing publication industry are quite the rascals yourselves!

Based on the details given me by your time-traveler fellow, things are quite different in your present. Like war, the times and a woman's right to vote (bah!), things are always a-changing. One thing, however, does not change, and that's this ever-awake city. A certain John J. Fitz Gerald would have us call it "The Big Apple", but what do horse-racing journalists know?

Yes, it is truly a great place (and doubtless it remains so in your world of to-morrow), from every railway tunnel in the steam subway to every steam auto-mobile on its streets, New York boasts the finest technology. I can barely imagine what you future-folks are powering with steam. I myself just bought the latest in steam pocket-watches!

In fact, I love thinking about the world of to-morrow so much that instead of telling you about my New York, I'll ask about yours. I do so hope that John J. Fitz Gerald's proposal did not take hold, but rather my own initiative to have the world's greatest city nicknamed after the world's greatest fruit. Imagine it: New York, the "Big Durian".

Question the First:

What do future New Yorkers enjoy in Times Square? I, personally, have quite the rollicking time catching a show at the Little Lip Theater. Surely the Stars are still in service? To-morrow's technology must let you folks live as long as Americans should live! It would only befit a world power in the World After War.

Question the Second: 

Though war may be over, evil still exists, and The Big Durian (that has such a dandy ring to it) needs its defenders. What are New York's Combat Revues flying in your day? I remember whole afternoons filled with the roaring of high-powered weapons as the Stars flew down 5th Avenue in pursuit of the latest hazard to menace the city. Initially the noise would startle my apartment-horse, but even he got used to the sound.

Question the Third:

Do future New Yorkers still keep apartment-horses? Surely you've replaced them with steam bikes by now, though I have to say I find my apartment-horse useful. My rooftop greenhouse calls for a lot of fertilizer.

Oh my, it was so rude of me to speak of such uncouth things as fertlizer in public! I must have offended the citizens of to-morrow, whose manners will doubtless have evolved beyond what we past-folk can comprehend. Oh, wait, another giant monster is attacking. Perhaps it is best I bid a farewell to the future, for now.

Posterity need not worry, however, for our separation will only be temporary. Surely, I shall survive next week's monster attack to see to-morrow first-hand! The Combat Revue makes sure of that! I cannot wait to see what you folks will make Lady Liberty do next! I personally  hope that the latest generation of steam technology can get her to dance as gracefully as the ladies of the Little Lip!

[Note from the Future - You should buy Sakura Wars. In stores now.]

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Josh Tolentino
Josh TolentinoManaging Editor   gamer profile

Josh is Japanator's Managing Editor, and contributes to Destructoid as well, as the network's premier apologist for both Harem Anime and Star Trek: Voyager For high school reasons, he's called "u... more + disclosures



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