Top 5 Best Eyepatch Gals


A promoted article from Marlin Clock!

[How about another promoted article for this month's Bloggers Wanted? Marlin Clock is on hand to give us the low down on the best eyepatches available on the market, as well as the lovely ladies they are attached to. Hit the jump for an eyeful, and be sure to tell us your own favourites down there in the comments. Stay tuned for this months Bloggers Wanted topic which will be going up later today, and you too could find your writing on the front page! - Chris]

Ever since I have started this long quest to find truth in the world, only one thing has stayed constant. In my thoughts and in my words the utterance of this very truth has saved me from the pits of despair and the heights of hubris. Whispered in hallowed halls as much as it is trumpeted in raucous pubs is something every red blooded man that lives on the face of the earth can attest to: Eyepatch chicks rule.

How do I have such confidence you ask? Have you ever even contemplated the beauty and majesty having an eyepatch gives to a humble maiden? It can transform her into an unstoppable force of nature whose very essence summons explosions in the brain. She can become a watchdog of death, unafraid of curses. The eyepatch can even turn a grieving girl into a completely adorable moeblob, arresting the thoughts of all like-minded men! There are so many examples I could give to you of the lovely ladies that have partaken in this sacred tradition, but fate dictates I may only enumerate 5 of their names as the apex of this splendid genre. As is customary for such descriptions, intimate details of their life story may be revealed, so be wary if you wish to remain in ignorance. Join me then, if your heart burns aflame for a cloth covered orb as much as mine does, and let us celebrate these splendid damsels henceforth!

Honorary Mention: Mirai (Senran Kagura

Yes, I did say I would name five, but this girl has been recently brought to my attention, and I simply could not ignore her vim! While my introduction to this gothic loli has been brief, it has been quite an eye-opening experience. Not only does she have impeccable fashion sense, but an arsenal of adorable and hilarious implements under what can only be considered a hyperskirt. She can summon tiny F-16s that fly her away at a moment's notice. I'd like to see you even try and say that's not awesome. It's just not possible. 

5. Minene Uryu (Mirai Nikki

The story of her eyepatch is about as brutal as it can get.  In a fight to become the next Supreme Being in the universe, she sacrificed her eye in order to save her life as it was cruelly pierced by an artfully thrown dart. She would later on to become one of the most noble of the anti-heroes that inhabited her macabre tale, ultimately being the most important character in the entire story. 

4. Asuka Langley Shikinami (Rebuild of Evangelion

She's a troubled redhead who's also a pirate. What more do you need to know? Alright I'll give some more. Jeez you people are so picky.  You see, in another life this girl went about her days the way most children in this world do. She would destroy God's messengers, relive childhood trauma, get throttled violently by a wimpy teenager, all without knowing the sweet feeling of black velvet upon one's eyelashes. Thankfully, through the power of exploiting media franchises, we got to see this young lass born anew! Clad in the most traditional of eyewear, she now fights for the glory of all her kin. Now Marlin, you may be saying, have you even watched the new Rebuild? No. No I haven't, but that doesn't mean I can tell an awesome eyepatch when I see it. 

3. Rikka Takanashi (Chuunibyo demo Koi ga Shitai!

Showing us that eyepatches do not need to be the exclusive territory of badasses, Rikka brings a soft touch to our list. She is also unique as the only member to retain her eye despite it. In a tale of coping, her eyepatch was perhaps the most meaningful, representative of the trouble she has in letting her father go. While it is a pity that the removal of her eyepatch is what activates her most powerful delusions, the fact that she still uses it keeps her among the greatest to ever wear the article.  

2. Mei Misaki (Another)

Mei was really the standout performance of Another. While the show was clearly in the point of view of Kouichi, the main focus of every new revelation always came back to Mei. She was as mysterious as she was likeable. While much of the characters tried to get Kouichi, and subsequently us, to shy away from her, it only made us want to know more. She even became quite adorable after getting to know her and seeing her interact with him as a normal person. Plus, she definitely has the most plot relevant eyepatch, concealing Another's own version of Death Perception. 

1. Nice Holystone (Baccano!)

Any who don't know the story of this blonde bombshell should hold their manhoods cheap! This is a fair soul so dedicated in her passion that at the ripe age of 14 she blew herself to high heavens, and, despite losing her eye and retaining scars, held the fortitude to go back and continue to practice her precious art. She is no mere ordinary eyepatch wielder; she understands its tactical importance! Many will not take advantage of the space created when their sundered eye is relieved. Not Nice Holystone. Ever aware of the necessity of backup plans, she even keeps a bomb hidden beneath the patch, hidden cleverly in that empty socket!   Despite her fiery soul, she has the tenderest of hearts.  She is always looking out in the best interest of her love, the equally ridiculously named Jacuzzi Splot, and quick to protect the innocent with him when they come into danger. When the Flying Pussyfoot found itself becoming a shootout, she and Jacuzzi quickly made a plan that saved many lives. Truly her fire and heroics show that she is the most deserving of this number one spot.

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